I can't believe it finally happened . . .

How I'm going to miss her. {sniff}

I really wasn't impressed with her in the beginning. But you just grow attached after a few years. You just can't help it! We had so much quality time together. And I do mean quality time. She was there for me during all my pregnancies. She helped me out during all the late night feedings. She was a fabulous help with my website. She was a blessing when I started blogging. She had gotten me started with Twitter. And facebook . . oh facebook, how she held my hand through it all with facebook.

I feel so bad because I was so hard on her. I'm going to admit this to only you guys, but I kicked her once. Hard. But you know she just pushed my buttons so much! Forget the fact that I push hers all the time. But I felt like I was suppose to - that was how I was raised! I'm sure you all would have done it, too. Or at least tell me you would - the guilt might be overwhelming if you wouldn't have. You would have pushed her to the limits and back again just as I.

It's hard to say it.

But she did finally pass away. Thankfully it finally happened. She has been in so much pain. Some days were good, some days not so good and some days were just bad. My medical opinion {because I have one} is that she had sundowners. She would get so bad in the evenings. She would just blank out. Or some times it was a foreign language - and my years of German and Latin didn't help me at all!?! I thought she was going crazy!

I actually had thoughts about putting her out of her misery and taking a ball bat to her . . . but we don't own a bat. There were days that I felt like just pushing her down the stairs . . . but then I was afraid it wouldn't "do it" completely. And then she would be in a true vegetated state and that wouldn't do anyone any good. And then there was a day I really wanted to just pick her up and throw her out the window . . . and honestly, I would have done it if it wouldn't make such a mess and cost so much to repair the window.

She endured the abuse. What a trooper.

But I've been preparing myself for awhile - I mean, come on - I saw it coming. I got as much information as I could from the old bat. Because I knew that once she was gone, that was it. She would be taking it all with her! I couldn't let all the knowledge die along side her. That would have been a true tragedy. So that is what I've been doing for the past several weeks - late at night. Instead of answering emails, catching up on you guys through your blogs or even blogging myself. I've been picking and prodding for all her knowledge and info. Most all the stuff I knew about, but some information was so old that I had forgotten about it!

And the funny stuff - oh, man she had some funny stories. I'll so have to share some of them with you. She could take my own words, and twist them all up and spit out the funniest crap!! And I say crap because most of it was . . . just funny . . crap!

Ahhh, the good ol' days.

But . . . . Lonnie says he will have her resurrected by the first of the week. Thank GOD! How am I going to live with this tiny {mini} HP?!?!?!? I want my desktop!!!

And she will reign in this house once again. So, if you have emailed me within the past 48 hours - give me a little time to get to you - please!

thanks so much!