Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Another sleepless night at the Wheelers . . .

Apparently, whatever the 24 hour bug was that Carson had has now moved on to Lawson. I can't stand to see my kids sick. I know, who can - but it tears me up. I stayed up most of the night checking on Laws. Waiting for the puking to commence! Where he was showing the signs it was coming on, I got it all ready! I started giving him Motrin for the fever. Made him sit in the tub while I gave the other 3 a bath {I normally try to do that 1 at a time - or at least put one in while I'm taking one out.} I cleaned off his bed with only the necessities {to make my job much easier in the night after the commencement.} Tried to make him drink sprite {he doesn't like it, so I wasn't very successful.} Then I sat in his room most of the night. He was so restless. And for a kid that doesn't talk, he talked all night long. He was saying lines from movies and from books that he has memorized. Some of it I could make out, but most of it was very hard to understand. Poor Lawson's mind doesn't work like most of ours. Times like these we would be dreaming and talking of things we personally know and live - he on the other hand, only can mimic books and movies - because we have read them or he has seen them over and over. Daily stuff doesn't really stick with him. At first I was cracking up while I rubbed his head. Then the tears started. I got mad. Incredibly mad. I haven't had a pity party in such a long time. I never question the "why" - really who cares - it just "is" - I so want to hear my kid say "mommy" and he mean me. Not some line he has seen in a movie a thousand times. I want him to be able to just look at me and say "Can I have some juice?" Instead of scream at me and expect me to read that mind of his. And although I have seen results with him, last night I was impatient. I wanted immediate results last night. I wanted him to tell me he didn't feel good. I didn't want to be the mind reader. I ask myself all the time HOW in the world do these people do it. How? One day at a time just doesn't cut the mustard sometimes - if you know what I mean?! You can't help but look to the future to see what is next. And I just don't know what is. I'm a complete believer that it is out of my control. And I do a great job rolling with the punches - but some days it is a bit much. And last night was.


Sorry to unload. I'm tired and emotionally drained today. THAT is when I can't function. And I've got to figure out Hudson's follow-up appointment today with his nephrologist - I don't want to take sick babies with me. But I've got to get him to that appointment to see if his minimal change disease is in remission {finally!!}

Back to our scheduled program tomorrow.

21 comments:

Natalie said...

I wish I was living so close like we used to ....

Praying for Hudson's appointment to go well -- and that all your babies (AND YOU!) are all feeling better.

XOXO

Kelli said...

Wow, I've been there. I'm not sure the extent of Lawson's delays, but my Jamison had a speech delay and I longed to be able to talk to her and have her respond. I cried many days and nights over it. I'm sending you a big (((hug))) from Ohio!

Mommy said...

I have cried those tears myself as you well know. I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel better. ((HUGS)) I hope Hudson's appt. goes well.

M

MeganSloan said...

I wish you and your family well. I'm sure things are difficult right now, especially with a child who cannot express his feelings. I work with a lot of children like him and I can only imagine how tough it is for mothers (and fathers) to deal with all the time. Good luck with the doctor appointment.

shabby girl said...

It must have felt good to let that out. The tears and the words. I'm sure I'm not the only one to think, on a regular basis, that you are an amazing Mom.
Maybe "everyone" can take a nice nap today...
I'm sending you big hugs!

tale of many cities said...

you vent & release all that frustration girlie.. get it out! that's what allows you to dismiss it and function from day to day. those of us who read you loyally, understand just how strong you are.. and know you're allowed weak moments to have a pity party every once in a while!
best of luck w/ the appt. hun.
cont. blessings,
-Tracie

julie & joe said...

I'm so sorry you had a rough night. Having sick children is the worst! I hope you are all feeling so much better in the next few days. It is the pits to be sick when the weather is warm.

Southern said...

Hang in there mommie. Sorry you had a tough night, but remember, you're not alone and we all get down, but we get back up too! Sometimes life just overwhelms and we have to step back and realize that it's not going to be like this forever!

Personalized Sketches and Sentiments said...

Prayers sent your way. I know your challenges are your own and it is hard to feel exactly how you feel with exactly what you face. I hope you feel the support from all those around you.

And from a mom whose 14 yr old "baby" boy was diagnosed with cancer 5 years ago, I send you my prayers that you are comforted.

Also, I mentioned you and your wonderful art, on my blog and tagged you. Hope you decide to post your 10 whenever you would wish, but as always-no pressure. Just fun to learn more about a blogger :o)

Lauren said...

Oh honey...Did our children call each other? I was also up wih a vomiting child with a high temp! I was giving her a bath at 1:30AM! I sooo feel for you and your sick one! We are still on and off with the fever, but I do not have other sick children! Best wishes!

missy said...

hang in there....wish i lived close so i could help out!!!!
hope you are all feeling better soon!!!!!
take care!!!!

Workaholic Momma said...

Keep your chin up! You are doing a fabulous job with your kids. I know the whole sleep derivation thing robs you of reason. But...take a deep breath and know that you are doing fine.

Lawson is making strides. And I am sure that he will look at you and call you "Mommy". But he needs time to work it out.

I am still praying for you. I put you on my list for Hudson, but when I read the list this Sunday, I thought just about you. God will give you what you need. I know you know this, but when your feeling the weight of this world, sometimes you need a reminder.

I could make you laugh right now...when I am having a tough day with my kiddos, my momma always says..."Remember, these are the best days of your life!" I don't know why, but I can't help by smile when I hear this.

Praying for you right now!

Lauren said...

I'm sorry - I hope he's feeling better. I can't imagine what that was like to hear him reciting lines like that.

I hope that you are able to get a little bit of rest!

Cori said...

Kim, I don't think I've ever left a comment here but this just tugged at my heartstrings to much to let it go without some verbal support. My son was right where Lawson in now a few years ago. Diagnosed with autism, he has done fantastically with a few therapies and now is virtually indistinguishable from his peers. The first time he said "I love you", called me "Mommy" (with true recognition) or had an honest back-and-forth conversation are some of the greatest moments of my life as a mom. You WILL get to experience this with Lawson and it will make all the heartache, all the time, all the physical, mental and emotional effort worth every minute. I'm sorry you both had a rough night and I pray that your spirits are brighter today. Don't forget, YOU are the mom that Lawson is meant to have.

Meagan said...

I am so sorry! That's rough, I can't even imagine! I'm saying extra prayers for you! Hang in there little mama!

Kelly said...

Kim - I don't know how you do it. All that artwork, 4 kids and extra burdens. It's a lot. You feel free to "unload" anytime you possibly want to!!! I'm thinking about you and praying for you! You are an amazing woman!
(Scott has a 5 year old cousin who is just like Lawson. He is precious but I know it is frustrating to only hear mimics all the time).

Danine said...

Hang in there. Have yourself that good cry or maybe a nice glass of wine {or in my case a gallon of ice cream}. It's tough to be tough and it SUCKS big ones to always be understanding and not emotional!

One day Lawson will really say Mommy and it will mean the world to you and all these other moments will be forgotten! At least he's speaking it through lines from books and movies...I got grunts for almost 4 years and "moooo" which was actually that moooing for the cows that lived across the way (which of course everyone thought was MOM, LOL).

Praying things settle down and Hudson's appointment went well too!

Deb said...

No words. Just (((Kim))) & (((all her beautiful babies))).

Jessica said...

Oh, Kim! I'm sorry that last night was so rough. I have no idea what to say to make things any easier, but I hope that you are able to get your mind off of things soon!

You know, if it helps, he is SO dang cute!

Paige said...

Praying for you sweet friend! Your babies are so blessed to have you as their mommy. I know that no matter what the future holds, you are going to tackle it and win! Keep up your amazing work. You are truly gifted!

Traci said...

I know exactly what you are talking about, sister. Sometimes it IS too much and you wonder how anyone could do it. It sounds like Lawson is making great progress and he will get there. You will hear "mommy" and "I want juice" in his own time. And those little words will be the best present that you have ever received! Hang in there- I happen to think that you are amazing!