Another sleepless night at the Wheelers . . .

Apparently, whatever the 24 hour bug was that Carson had has now moved on to Lawson. I can't stand to see my kids sick. I know, who can - but it tears me up. I stayed up most of the night checking on Laws. Waiting for the puking to commence! Where he was showing the signs it was coming on, I got it all ready! I started giving him Motrin for the fever. Made him sit in the tub while I gave the other 3 a bath {I normally try to do that 1 at a time - or at least put one in while I'm taking one out.} I cleaned off his bed with only the necessities {to make my job much easier in the night after the commencement.} Tried to make him drink sprite {he doesn't like it, so I wasn't very successful.} Then I sat in his room most of the night. He was so restless. And for a kid that doesn't talk, he talked all night long. He was saying lines from movies and from books that he has memorized. Some of it I could make out, but most of it was very hard to understand. Poor Lawson's mind doesn't work like most of ours. Times like these we would be dreaming and talking of things we personally know and live - he on the other hand, only can mimic books and movies - because we have read them or he has seen them over and over. Daily stuff doesn't really stick with him. At first I was cracking up while I rubbed his head. Then the tears started. I got mad. Incredibly mad. I haven't had a pity party in such a long time. I never question the "why" - really who cares - it just "is" - I so want to hear my kid say "mommy" and he mean me. Not some line he has seen in a movie a thousand times. I want him to be able to just look at me and say "Can I have some juice?" Instead of scream at me and expect me to read that mind of his. And although I have seen results with him, last night I was impatient. I wanted immediate results last night. I wanted him to tell me he didn't feel good. I didn't want to be the mind reader. I ask myself all the time HOW in the world do these people do it. How? One day at a time just doesn't cut the mustard sometimes - if you know what I mean?! You can't help but look to the future to see what is next. And I just don't know what is. I'm a complete believer that it is out of my control. And I do a great job rolling with the punches - but some days it is a bit much. And last night was.


Sorry to unload. I'm tired and emotionally drained today. THAT is when I can't function. And I've got to figure out Hudson's follow-up appointment today with his nephrologist - I don't want to take sick babies with me. But I've got to get him to that appointment to see if his minimal change disease is in remission {finally!!}

Back to our scheduled program tomorrow.