deeply committed - often flawed - mother of four . . .

That is the title of the editor's note in our local "Rutherford Parent" magazine. It's just a free magazine that is in every doctor's office across the county and I always pick one up because of all the "stuff" you find in them. When I was reading Mrs. Susan Day Swindell's "note" it really hit me.

Before kids, I was a slight perfectionist and I was really bad about expecting things to go "my way." Now, I knew that once kids came into the picture, "my picture," that would all change. And I was completely okay with that. I still didn't know if I wanted to be a "stay-at-home" kinda mom - that might explain why I couldn't tell my boss that I wasn't coming back to work {Hudson was 13 months old before I told him!} ha - God, bless his soul, but I think he knew before I did that I wasn't coming back. But as I read this article, it really explained so much of my feelings as a mother. At the end, she said-

Raising kids is sloppy. It is one, fast, bumpy ride in a messy car. It's a life filled with spills, drills, miscommunication, tummy aches and activities that never seem to end. It is time away from YOU. But it IS you.

For too long I have wrestled with how to manage everything without losing my wits and with grace and fortitude. I've tried to be a straight line when life, in fact, is a scrawl. And because I'm in it for the long run, and because I love my family, I suppose I just have to accept that love is in fact, one huge, gigantic imperfection . . . called life.

For all those who ask me "how I do it" - that's it, I accept it for what it is. That's why I'm happy {most of the time} and satisfied with all the craziness in my life, because it is my life. I was never guaranteed a perfect life, but I wasn't promised a bad one either!!

By the way - this time next week - I will be a mother of four! Six days and some hours to go before this egg hatches!! Whoohoo!!